found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
