the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
