TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
