My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I have fence marks all over my body
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