Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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