I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
