Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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