the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
