Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
