she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
