Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
