We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
