my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
