Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
