my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
