no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It's rum buckets o'clock
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
