Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
