At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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