I think my vagina is haunted
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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