I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
