i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
