Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
