Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It was confusing and full of hummus
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
