i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
