I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
