so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
