At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
zippers are such a cool invention
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
