No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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