Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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