Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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