the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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