how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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