I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
