Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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