i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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