Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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