My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
