and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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