I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
PANTIES FOUND
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