OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
