I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
