I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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