there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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