he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
