She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
