Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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