I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
