I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
