I got chris browned last night
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
