I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
